


photographs

by iitachiyama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iitachiyama/pseuds/iitachiyama
Summary: a box of photographs and a heavy load of memories.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 100





	photographs

Atsumu settled himself down onto the picnic blanket, grunting softly as his weight hit the ground. He leaned back on his arms, basking in the late afternoon sunlight, and sighed. It's been a while since the last time he went out; he'd spent months cooped up in his apartment, refuting everyone who came to visit him- save for Samu who occasionally broke into his home to cook for him and drop off groceries and unsolicited advice.

_"Tsumu, I know it's been pretty difficult for you lately," his brother had said, setting down a plate of fatty tuna and a rice ball on the small rosewood table before the sofa. "I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to, a'ight?"_

_Atsumu, who had wrapped himself in a cocoon with his doggy-printed blanket, picked up the chopsticks and began eating. "Dude, don't be gross. I'm doing fine."_

_Osamu let out a long-suffering sigh, rubbing his face with his hands in such an exhausted manner that Atsumu almost felt bad for him. "Look. I'm aware you hate talking about your feelings and being… open and vulnerable, but it wouldn't hurt to do so once in a while."_

_"I think I'm plenty open!" A lie._

_Atsumu had always been the kind of person who, at first glance, would seem very much like an open book because he liked to pretend that he was by oversharing the shallow and superficial things that transpired in his life. But truth be told, reading Atsumu was like reading a book and making it halfway through only to realize there were multiple pages stuck together and you couldn't finish the rest of it anymore._

_"You have got to give me more credit than that, man," Osamu grumbled, resting his hand on the back of his neck and letting out yet another weary sigh. "But okay. Fine. Whatever. It doesn't have to be me you talk to, but please, for your own sake, don't keep your emotions bottled up. Ma always said it was poisonous."_

And so here he was, sitting alone in a field with a small box of photographs on his lap.

"What am I doing?" he murmured to himself. _Did I come here to reminisce? Long for what was and will never again be? Or did I come here to let go?_

He took a deep breath and opened the parcel. His heart twisted in pain as he laid his eyes upon the first image. It was of Kiyoomi sitting on a park bench with a sandwich in his hand and a grade A scowl etched on his face.

_Kiyoomi stopped in his tracks when he saw what Atsumu had taken out of his bag. A picnic blanket._

_Atsumu blinked in bewilderment. "What's wrong?"_

_"Absolutely not." Kiyoomi was looking at him like he'd just asked him to cut off his toes._

_"Omi, is something wro-"_

_He crossed his arms. "I'm not going to eat my lunch while I sit on a dirty piece of cloth with bits of grass poking through it, Miya."_

_"Oh, come on!" Atsumu spread out his arms, nearly whacking his date across the face with the rolled-up blanket. "I had this dry-cleaned twice before bringing it here with me, Omi-Omi! It's perfectly clean!"_

"Remember this?" he said to no one in particular- to Kiyoomi, maybe, but he wasn't there and Atsumu was well aware he couldn't hear him. "This was our first date. You spent around ten minutes sanitizing a park bench because you absolutely refused to sit on the blanket with me.

"That day, you talked to me about your family and how you got terribly lonely as a kid because your parents and older siblings were always too busy to keep you company. You told me I was lucky I had my twin and I remember recounting to you that one time when Samu and I were ten and he broke my arm after pushing me into the fish pond in our grandmama's backyard. That was the first time I made you laugh.

"I remember thinking, ' _God, his laugh is something I wish I could capture and listen to forever_.'"

Atsumu clenched his jaw in an effort to keep it together, gripping the photo tightly in his hands. Who knew talking could be so draining?

The next photo was of him and Kiyoomi seated by a restaurant counter. Atsumu had his thumbs up and a huge grin plastered on his face. Kiyoomi, on the other hand, looked mildly uncomfortable while having the picture taken, but he had his right fist held up meekly in an attempt to do a thumbs-up.

_Atsumu opened the tall glass door and motioned for his companion to move quicker. Once they were inside, he turned to look at Kiyoomi. He spread out his arms dramatically and winked._

_"Welcome to Onigiri Miya!" he exclaimed, smiling proudly. "Get ready to bless your taste buds with the most immaculate japanese food you will ever encounter."_

_"I'm touched, Tsumu," Osamu interrupted from the counter. He waved at Kiyoomi, flipping off his brother as he did so. "Pay for the food if you really think so."_

_Atsumu rolled his eyes, returning the gesture. "I take it back. I take it all back."_

_"Yeah, I thought so." Osamu chuckled. He turned to look at Kiyoomi and held out a hand. "Miya Osamu."_

_Kiyoomi hesitated for a moment. He didn't like shaking hands with people, but Osamu worked at a food establishment and he was willing to bet all the ethyl alcohol in his bag that the guy was probably pretty sanitary, so he took his hand anyway. "Sakusa Kiyoomi."_

_"Excuse me?" Atsumu had his hands on his waist. He looked just about ready to throw a tantrum similar to that of a five year old whose ice cream had melted off the cone and fallen onto the dirty asphalt. "When we first met and I offered to shake your hand, you just straight up ignored me! That's favouritism, Omi! I'm hurt."_

_"Your hand was disgustingly sweaty," was all he said. Atsumu spluttered and crossed his arms in protest._

_Osamu barked out another laugh. "Don't get all mopey now. It's not your fault I'm more hygienic than you are."_

Atsumu was silent for a few minutes, trying to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat, as he took in the photo.

He cleared his throat. "This was when I brought you to my brother's restaurant. You were so reluctant to have this photo taken at first, but after much insistence on my part, you finally agreed. I even got you to do a thumbs-up. Truly one of my greatest achievements to this day.

"We didn't talk a lot that evening, as far as I can remember. I mostly just watched you enjoy your food. Samu had yelled _'whipped!'_ from the kitchen, but I guess that was old news by then."

_Atsumu had bugged Kiyoomi_ endlessly _to let him accompany him back home because it was getting dark and he didn't want Omi walking alone so late in the night._

 _They had bid Osamu goodbye, Kiyoomi barely able to say a polite_ thank you _before getting pulled away by Atsumu,_ _and left the place. They walked silently for a few minutes until Kiyoomi spoke up._

_"Miya."_

_Atsumu had nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden call. He had honestly expected it to be a wordless journey to Kiyoomi's home._

_"Yeah?" he croaked out, his voice sounding embarrassingly hoarse._

_If Kiyoomi had noticed Atsumu's momentary panicking, he was considerate enough not to show it. Instead, he asked: "Are you really serious about… about all of this? Courting me and taking me out on dates?"_

_The question had set Atsumu off a little bit; he didn't realize he gave off the impression that he wasn't serious about him._

_"Of course I am," he said in a gentle voice. "I know I joke around quite a lot, but I'm serious about this. About us."_

_No reply came after that._

_Kiyoomi had stopped in front of his house, hesitating as he reached for the steel gate. Atsumu waited, a puzzled expression painting his features._

_Kiyoomi turned to face him. He anxiously shifted his weight from foot to foot. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was having a bit of difficulty looking for the right words. The two stood there for a minute, until finally:_

_"Thank you for tonight," Kiyoomi had said, his voice so low Atsumu wasn't sure he was hearing things right. "You're an intriguing person, Atsumu."_

_Before Atsumu could come up with a snarky comment, Kiyoomi had closed the gate behind him and was making his way to the front door._

"I still remember that night pretty well," said Atsumu. "Truth is, I never expected you to say a word to me on our way to your house, much less to initiate a conversation, even if we did only exchange a few words.

"I was walking to my apartment, wondering what it was that felt different, and it took me about two blocks to realize that was the first time you called me Atsumu! No matter how much I pestered you to call me by my first name, it was always Miya, Miya, Miya.

"Sakusa Kiyoomi, do you have any idea how much sleep I lost over that?" Atsumu laughed softly to himself at the memory. "It was just you calling me by my first name and yet there I was, burying my face in my pillow and squealing like a little school girl with a crush."

He placed the picture back in the box.

This was how Atsumu spent the entire afternoon- going through old photographs, talking and reminiscing and slowly letting out the feelings that he had kept to himself for so long.

Most of the photos he had of the two of them were taken by either Bokuto or Osamu. There was one of Kiyoomi finally giving him a high five in the middle of a volleyball match with the blankest expression on his face, while Atsumu stared at him with wide eyes and a huge, triumphant grin. Another was of the both of them on a ferris wheel, courtesy of Bokuto in the car next to theirs with Akaashi- Kiyoomi was resting his chin on his sleeved arms on the steel bar (he had cautiously began sanitizing it the moment they stepped onto the ferris wheel) and was looking out at the view below them. Atsumu, like the cliché love-struck idiot that he was, was staring at Kiyoomi. After all, no city lights or colourful panoramas could be a better view to Miya Atsumu than Sakusa Kiyoomi.

There were so many more photographs- images that held some of Atsumu's most precious and treasured sentiments and memories. It was strange, Atsumu thought, how polaroids and pieces of laminated paper could be so thin and tiny and so, so fragile, yet hold so much weight and value to him.

Another photo was of Kiyoomi holding a crêpe lathered in chocolate syrup. He was staring at it like it was a particularly difficult math problem, or like it was a creature he'd never seen before.

Atsumu's heartstrings twanged as he recalled what had occurred that day.

"Not to sound cheesy or anything, Omi, but this was definitely one of the best days of my life."

_Atsumu chortled upon seeing Kiyoomi's expression and inconspicuously snapped a picture of him. "Omi, do I want to know why you're looking at that innocent crêpe like it wronged you?"_

_Kiyoomi looked up at him and blinked, the frown disappearing from his face. "I… I have no idea how I'm going to eat this."_

_He said it like it was a question, and since Atsumu was Atsumu, he laughed even harder. Taking note of Kiyoomi's piercing glare, he wiped non-existent tears from his eyes and asked, "What do you mean you have no idea how?"_

_"I just meant," Kiyoomi muttered, gritting his teeth, "that I don't want to make a mess all over myself with the almost-disgusting amount of chocolate syrup in this overly-sweetened pancake."_

_He wasn't exactly wrong about the_ almost-disgusting amount of syrup _part (not that Atsumu's sweet tooth had a problem with that)- it did have quite a lot- and Atsumu couldn't blame him for complaining about it._

_"You're adorable," he said fondly. "When has one ever eaten a crêpe without making a mess?"_

_Maybe Atsumu had imagined it or maybe it was a trick of the light, but he was almost sure Kiyoomi's ears had reddened at his earlier comment._

_Kiyoomi had exasperation written across his face as he bit into the crêpe and chocolate dribbled down the side of his mouth. Atsumu had finished his minutes ago and was now offering him a tissue. He graciously accepted it, wiping at his chin._

_Atsumu found himself staring. It was probably an improper thing to do when someone was eating but when did Miya Atsumu ever worry about social rules and filters anyway? He had a feeling that he probably had a stupid little love-sick expression on his face that Osamu would bully him for until the day he took his last breath if he were present to witness it._

_Once Kiyoomi had finished eating, he tossed the tissues in a nearby bin. He covered his mouth self-consciously when he noticed Atsumu's gazing._

_"What?" he asked, averting his eyes._

_Atsumu snapped out of his reverie and gingerly reached for the hand Kiyoomi was covering his face with, giving the other boy time to pull his arm back. He didn't. He was completely still as Atsumu took and lowered his hand and his eyes travelled down to his lips._

_Atsumu didn't know how long had passed or how long they stood in close proximity to each other, and he didn't even bother to try and remember because Kiyoomi had closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together in a tender kiss._

_He gently placed his hands on the back of Kiyoomi's head, his hands marvelling at the soft curls around the base of his neck._

_Kiyoomi was first to pull away, and Atsumu opened his mouth to tease him and say he looked redder than a tomato, when it hit him that it was very,_ very _probable that he looked exactly the same- maybe even worse. So instead, he just smiled at the man he'd fallen harder and harder for with every passing day, and said:_

_"I love you."_

Atsumu closed his eyes, his fingers trailing gently across his lips as if he could still feel the kiss from so long ago.

"That was our first kiss and the first time I told you that I love you," he breathed out, his voice lost in the breeze.

He dropped his hand onto his lap and chuckled. "You didn't say it back though- you just smiled at me and kissed my forehead. But I was okay with that and I was willing to wait however long you needed for you to be able to tell me you loved me back. I was just glad I was finally able to put it out there."

The last remaining photo in the box was of Kiyoomi smiling softly at the camera- or, more accurately, at the person holding the camera.

Atsumu ran his fingers across the photograph, smiling despite the bitter longing and nostalgia that coursed through him.

"God, Omi, you're beautiful."

_The two were silently making their way down a long jogger's trail, both waiting for the other to say a word._

_Surprisingly, it was Kiyoomi who had asked to meet up with Atsumu- which was surprising to the latter since it had always been him doing the inviting (_ pestering _was a better word for it)._

_Atsumu never was able to go for too long without running his mouth, so after minutes of dreadful silence, he spoke._

_"So," Atsumu drawled, dragging out the o's. "Was there anything you wanted to talk to me about, Omi?"_

_Kiyoomi grimaced, as if it was physically paining him to have to answer such a question. He didn't reply for so long that Atsumu was beginning to wonder if he'd even heard his question at all._

_"I don't know how this stuff works," Kiyoomi said after a while. "I mean… relationships. Love."_

_"Omi," he said slowly, treading carefully. "If you're not ready for any of that, I can lay off-"_

_"No." Kiyoomi bit his lip, looking for the right words. "No, it's alright."_

_He sighed in an act of utter frustration, thoroughly unnerving Atsumu- Sakusa Kiyoomi getting flustered and hesitating with his words was a sight he'd never seen nor expected to see._

_Atsumu didn't know what to do in these kinds of situations, so all he said was, "Hey, seriously, don't get too worked up. Take your time. I can wait."_

_Kiyoomi's frown deepened and his mouth was pressed into a thin line. Atsumu thought he looked cute, but goddammit, that wasn't what he was supposed to be directing his focus on. He opened his mouth to say something, but was immediately cut off._

_"Listen." A splash of red lightly dusted Kiyoomi's cheeks. "I asked you to accompany me here because I wanted to say yes. That's all."_

_Atsumu looked puzzled. "Yes? To what?"_

_A look of pure confusion and maybe mild amusement was written all over the other boy's face. "Weren't you courting me?"_

_"Yeah, I am," Atsumu replied, still looking as lost as ever._

_Kiyoomi stopped walking and stared at him blankly. Waiting._

_It took a grand total of 12 seconds before realization_ finally _dawned on Atsumu and his mouth opened to form a silent_ O _._

_Atsumu let out a startled laugh and beamed. Kiyoomi thought he looked like if a piece of the sun had manifested itself into a human-shaped ball of warmth, but he didn't dare say it out loud._

_"You're my boyfriend now." He sounded astonished as he tried out their new label. "Sakusa Kiyoomi. My boyfriend."_

_"Miya Atsumu," Kiyoomi said. "My boyfriend."_

_"Omi!" Atsumu whined, grasping at his chest. "You can't just say something like that unprovoked and without warning! It's not good for my poor heart."_

_The corners of Kiyoomi's lips twitched upward as he fought the disgustingly fond smile that made its way to his face._

_"Oh!" Atsumu's face brightened. "Should I start calling you babe now? Baby? Sweetie? Love? Sugar? Honey? Da-"_

_"I beg you to_ not _." Kiyoomi interrupted him before he could go on with that mortifying list. "I always liked it when you called me Omi anyway."_

_And just like that, his now-boyfriend fell silent, soundlessly closing and opening his mouth like a fish out of water._

_"Atsumu?" Kiyoomi stuffed his hands in his pockets and waited for the dramatic little blumbering mess in front of him to compose himself._

_Atsumu stood up straighter and schooled his features into a more serious expression. "Yeah?"_

_After a minute of contemplation and internal debating about whether he was brave enough, Kiyoomi uttered the three words that Atsumu had been yearning to hear from him:_

_"I love you."_

"Omi, that day you made me the happiest friggin' jackass alive." Atsumu gazed at the photo in his hands. "That was the day you said yes to being my boyfriend and the first time you said that you love me.

"I had always imagined you saying those three words to me, but actually hearing it from you was a completely different feeling. My heart felt like it was going to burst at any given moment!

"Obviously, it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine after that. We had our ups and downs like any normal relationship would, but I was happy it was you I got to work things through with. Everything was going so well for both of us, until the day that you left.

"Everyday, I asked fate, I asked whatever or whoever was out there, 'Why?' I asked them why you left. Why you, of all people, _why my Omi?_ I felt so empty, the tears wouldn't even come. It all felt so wrong without you, Omi. I'd grown so used to that presence of yours that I always looked forward to being around in my every waking moment. But then you were gone.

"I loved you so much, Kiyoomi."

Atsumu paused, endless waves tainted with the pain and the sorrow of his loss washing over him. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you," he whispered.

And after several months of nothing, of holding everything in, Atsumu finally let himself cry.

He cried for the love he had lost and for the love he could never move on from. He cried for what he longed to have, but never will again.

"I miss you, Omi," he said in between broken sobs. "So damn much."

As he leaned his forehead on the cold gravestone with his lover's name engraved on it, Atsumu had the fleeting thought that the warmth of the setting sun on his back felt like the phantom embrace of a love long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> hiyaaa thank you for reading this fic and i hope you enjoyed it!!
> 
> i've had this idea for some time now and i'm glad i finally got to type it down. it's been a long while since i've written anything and this is the first fic i've made public, so i apologize if it's a bit short and rough around the edges haha
> 
> anyway, if you have any thoughts on this piece that you'd like to express, feel free to leave a comment or dm me on twitter [@iitachiyama](https://twitter.com/iitachiyama)!! ♡


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